Keeping it simple...

...is my Blog post title today.  Why I here you ask?  Well, because it will just include some new poetry.  Enjoy!!

DRIFTING

I feel for the first time.

Can’t you see?

I squeeze for the first time.

Mother is god.

Her arms safe and warm.

Her gaze smiling.

We laugh.

I cry.

We laugh some more.

She tells me she loves me.

I wish I could do the same.

My tiny tears.

I watch how she cares for me.

She’s beautiful.

The way she’s meant to be.

That hidden twitch in her eye.

Of what’s to come, a mere glint.

Her tiny tears.

We drift together.

Both from different things.

We are drifting together.

And I am so tiny.

And she is so alive.

Unbroken by the drunken voice.

Unbroken by the heavy hand.

Unbroken by the demons control.

Unbroken by the constant put downs.

Unbroken by the bruised arms.

Unbroken by the creeping disease.

Stronger when she is with me.

Stronger when I am in those arms.

Stronger when I smile with my eyes.

Stronger when I follow her.

Stronger when I hold her fingers.

Stronger when I close my eyes.

And yet, all around us, life carried on.

And yet, all around us, people and places changed.

And yet, all around us, life and death wandered.

But still, now and forever, we drift together.

Death of the Earth

Charcoal days

resonate with waves,

ending the Earth's life,

a tired, battered planet,

tortured by humanity

in spite of every warning,

vilified and lost,

exit of sorrow.

I can fly

And with these words I can fly…

…soaring over peppermint skies,

skirting on an odyssey of clouds

and drifting towards our brilliant sun…

…and with these words I can fly…

…a mesh of emotions heightened,

dancing with my heart on a string

and swirling this infinite love…

…and with these words I can fly…

allowing creativity to fill a blank page

and gives a voice to my ghost…

…and with these words I can fly…

…I graze and prosper thanks to you,

I open my eyes to look at you,

I have two ears to listen to you,

I turn my head to pay attention to you,

I feel just to hold you,

and with these words I can fly

and never let you go.

The Erotic Woman

The beauty of a woman surrounds us all,

breaks all rules, shatters all limits,

influential and desirable;

the erotic woman.

That transforming tilt of the head,

the change from innocence to naughty,

brings a devine confident strut;

a motion of silk.

Her willing way screams a sexual whisper,

followed by a bite of addictive lips,

no matter what awaits hidden below;

all curves will shine.

And deep within, her power radiates,

just a womans sheer presence commands,

sends a mans heart a flutter and free;

a little joy and love.

Yet from that tormented smile,

her seeking eyes deserve every respect,

equal to that of her powerful touch;

at once soft and deadly.

So yes, the beauty of a woman surrounds us all,

from her soul to her toes,

unique and wonderful;

the erotic woman.

So, why do I do it...

...why do I write?

Well, as far as I can remember, I have always been a writer.  What I mean by that is that I have always put pen to paper and written about something - be it a diary, lyrics, poetry, short stories, scripts or even just letters.  The first real thing I started was a 13 episode television series (which I have completed) which revolveded around the Nine Inch Nail's album 'The Downward Spiral' where I took each song and put my character through a test depending on the lyrics of each said song.  It was based on my experiences in general but really focused on the hate I had (still have?) for my Father.

Around the same time I was writing a lot of lyrics as well as putting music to them and coming up with tunes on my guitar and keyboard - again, I completed this and it turned out to be a double album's worth of material. 

Then came 'Love or Suicide and the Life In-between' and a flood of other poetry and short stories written about everything and nothing.  These days, I have several projects on the go, have been shortlisted several times in competitions and have actually won first prize in a poetry competition for The Writing Magazine.  I am in the process of writing a couple of scripts and contribute to The Erotic Woman's poetry section as well.

So, back to my original query - why do I write?

I find it is a very important form of expression which can describe the most horrible and beautiful aspects of life - and in doing so, is very therapeutic.  It also gives my brain a workout and has a limitless scope and vast subject matter.  I also enjoy it.  I like to live out fantasies and create characters I can relate to or are extensions of my own personality.  I am never short of inspiration either - in fact I just need to open my eyes and look around.  Not only that, but I love to read.  You have to be a lover of books (actual, hold in your hand, smell the paper, use a book mark type books) to write well...write what you know and what you would want to read!!

So, that's why I write.  I could go on and on digging deeper and deeper into every aspect of what I write, why, when and how...but for now, the above paragraph is a perfect summary.  Words, oh such sweet words:

How you gonna see me now?

How you gonna see me now?

With words and plastic plates.

Block letters and a forced bow.

Furrowed brow, heart that hates.

How you gonna see me now?

With keys and blinking lights.

Inmates ride an enormous cow.

Concepts reach imaginary heights.

How you gonna see me now?

With debit cards maxed out.

Nothing to show for it…wow.

Head high this mystery snout.

How you gonna see me now?

With full stops ending your words.

Punctuation revolving their rows.

Flying crosses mating with birds.

How you gonna see me now?

I’m nothing more than a blank page.

You will never see me now.

Locked in this computer cage.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

And so it ends...

...my 'glorious' 2 week shut down is now on it's last day.  As they say, all good things must come to an end - well, not a complete end - there is always next year, Christmas and the last few days holiday I have booked off for various concerts.  Anyways, our last week of shut down was spent in Scotland.  More accurately, we had a 5 day break in the Macdonald Cardrona Hotel - Golf and Spa.  We had 2 days of golf booked as well as back massages, use of the pool, steam room and sauna and a trip into the village of Peebles.  The rest of our time would be spent chilling out, nipping out for walks and just generally forgetting about work and everyday life for a few days.

So, was it any good?  It was amazing.  The golf course was brilliant.  Challenging, long, tricky, rewarding and well looked after.  We did get wet on both days and the course was waterlogged in places, but, the views from EVERY SINGLE hole made up for any bad weather we had.  Did we play well?  We did OK - lets just leave it at that!!!  The back massage was, put simply, heavenly.  I do have a twingy back, especially at the bottom, so it did slightly hurt the odd time - but otherwise it was divine.  The pool, steam room and sauna were just 'ok'.  They did their job and it was nice to go for a swim after golf and the back massage.  Peebles wasn't too bad either - not much there but enough to spend a few hours (even if we got wet there as well).  The hotel was very good.  Clean, nice staff, good facilities - very good.  The bed especially felt like a massive cloud and was a pleasure to sleep in.  We had 2 breakfasts and 3 evening meals and they too were faultless.  It was the first time I had tried Venison, Haggis Scotch Egg and Dauphinoise Potatoes and they were delicious - like I said 'faultless'!!  Even the 3 hour 30 minute drive was littered with amazing views, especially the final 30 miles - stunning!!  So, overall, an amazing holiday and one that me and my girlfriend thoroughly enjoyed (as you can see from these photos). 

Oh, glorious shutdown...

...glorious, glorious shutdown.  The company I work for has a 2 week shutdown every year and it is always something I really look forward to.  Even more so this year because I had to work the first week (last week) but get the following 2 weeks off - plus the extra day which is bank holiday Monday!!

I plan lots of writing, gaming, gyming, sorting out, reading etc for these 2 weeks and I gotta admit, it has been a great start.  Today is Wednesday - the 3rd day of my first week of this glorious shutdown...and so far I have managed to look at future writing projects and already begin to gather and start them.  I have upped my promotion of my self published book, 'Love or Suicide and the Life in-between' by sending a couple of copies out - one to The Samaritans and one to The Writing Magazine.  Really looked at my Twitter and Blogger friends and streamlined/added to focus on Authors and like-minded people.  I am happily gaming and gyming away - playing Rage on the PS3 and Splinter Cell Conviction on the X-Box whilst spending my early mornings kicking ass in the gym.  I am just about to finish a book I have been given by the Managing Director of the company I work for to read, before I start on Fifty Shades Darker - yes, even I have been caught up in all this Fifty Shades bollocks.  Gotta say, I have never hated, loved, been intrigued, wanted to burn, sympathised, been shocked, couldn't put down - a book as much as I have with Fifty Shades Of Grey!!!  So, like I said - it has been a great start!!

So, a quick teaser for my future projects.  At the moment I have 4 on the go (which includes 'Love or Suicide...'), they all follow the same sort of feel and look.  The 4 projects are:

1. 'Love or Suicide and the Life in-between'
2. 'Life and Death'
3. 'Sex'
4. 'Oh Such Sweet Words' (work in progress title)

The first 3 are my "Existence" trilogy - dealing with Love, Suicide, Life, Death and Sex.  Number 4 will be a tribute - an ode if you like - to words, writing and the worlds you can create and destroy with them.  I am actually very excited about every single one of these projects and my goal is to find a publisher for 2-4 - that will of course come later and depend on how well promoted and received 'Love or Suicide...' is.

So for now, have a read below of a cheeky little number from 'Sex' - enjoy!! ;-)

The Anticipation

The silent crackling of candles sway in the room,

their light rolling over soft curves lost in lingerie,

there she is; stretched out and alone...waiting,

the sweet smell of anticipation heating the air.

She blushes as the silk babydoll brushes her skin

sending tiny pulses throughout her wanting body

and forcing her eyes shut, her mouth slightly open

and shivers of anticipation down her arched spine.

Almost instinctively, she begins to sway,

her being now independent from her mind

as her hips begin to rock and tighten forwards

and a sudden heat of anticipation builds within.

Her hands want to explore and touch,

her sensitivity wants to spread and expose,

her innocence wants to be gone and be free,

her anticipation wants forever and satisfaction.

Opening her eyes, excitement floods her senses

as she watches herself gorge on tender skin,

naughty sinful thoughts flashing deep inside,

and an anticipation of what's to come.

She knows her man will be home very soon,

she knows it is her night of control,

just the sheer thought sending waves crashing

and her soul drowning in pure anticipation.

The silent crackling of candles sway in the room,

as a rush of air sends them rolling over hot curves,

there she is; no longer alone, no longer waiting,

the sweet smell of anticipation filling the air.

   

3 weeks...

...it's coming up to 3 weeks now since my first self published book, 'Love or Suicide and the Life in-between' has been on sale and I am happy to say any feedback I have had has been very positive.  I am gradually promoting it on Twitter, through my Blog and by word of mouth but am planning to step up the promotion throughout August.  My thoughts are to have it sell consistently instead of it spiking and then being lost and forgotten - a steady stream of promotion should ensure this.

It is still a bit odd that my true deep and darkest thoughts and feelings are out there for the world to see- basically my heart and soul is on show.  In truth, the feedback I have had has been about how open and honest it is and how that makes me feel with that out there.  Does it make me feel uncomfortablee?  Does it make me feel vulnerable?  Of course it does.  But it also makes me feel strong and happy that it is out there - like a weight has been lifted.

So, have a look below at some samples of 'Love or Suicide and the Life in-between', fire up Amazon, buy a copy then spread the word.  Remember, all my profit will be going to The Samaritans.

Dear Dad

The dripping alcoholic

The warm liar

The ageing sinner

The abusive man

The dead weight

The piercing fear

The blueprint

Like father, like son

Is this what I am to become?

The haunting

The shouting

The stealing

The anger

The pain

The smell

The blueprint

Like father, like son

Is this what I am to become?

Hate

Spit

Fight

Lost

Self

Destiny

The blueprint

Like father, like son

Is this what I am to become?

Lonely World

            I        talk      to      myyyyyyy                                                owN     shadow

Laugh                  ( ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha )      AT       my    OWn             jokes

                                           feel for my own feelinGs

                                                                              

                                                                         TouCH                           my own   SKIN

NO             one                  comFOrTs                             me wHen      I NEed

                                                                                                             comforting

no                one                               kiSSes                 ME           wHen    I need to BEE

                                                                                                                      Kissed

NO               one                      ListeNs               when       IIIIIII       neeeeed  to beeeee

                                                                                                                          hEARd

I    have    no------------------------one                       Who     drEAm’’’’’’s   about   ME

                                    Or                 wwwwwwiLLLLLL    nOTice

                                                                                                          WHHen I am GOne

my heart beats

YeTT                            TherE                   is nO                     one     TO TUNE          iT     

                  My EYes      seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

                                                           alllllllllllll………………They SEEEee   is     mE

                                               I    liVEE               in THIS                 world

I   have   no        one            who lives       with   me………LoNEly   wORLD…

Love or Suicide and the Life in-between...

...is finally published!!  It has been a while now since I have been on here but I promise to be on here more and more now my book is finally been self-published.  Grosvenor House Publishing Limited have done an amazing job with what must have been a difficult task - the layout varied throughout and I was very specific with what I wanted (borderline anal), but it has turned out brilliantly.  I am especially happy with the glossy front and back covers of my own designs.

So, what is it about - well:

It's a deeply personal and honest collection of thoughts, poetry and short stories written as a direct response to family fracture and loss attempting to make sense of both subject matters as experienced by myself and fuelled by alcohol and pain.

Basically, I was going through a very hard time in my life and through dangerous levels of drink, I decided to write a book about Love, and about Suicide (subjects which constantly plagued me through this period).  It became this 'thing' with its own life, its own mind and its own beating heart and thankfully, it became the vent for all my deepest, darkest thoughts.  It isn't a manual on how to commit Suicide or even an ideal view on Love and all its inner trappings and wondrous moments - just a collection of feelings and emotions from a certain section of my life.  It is something I am extremely proud of but, strangely, something I don't want to make any money from - so I have decided that any profit I were to make will be donated to The Samaritans.

It isn't an easy read.  It isn't perfect and it definitely hasn't been proof read to within an inch of its life.  Its there, in your face, spur of the moment feelings - a good 90% of it was written there and then and not touched afterwards, not scrutinised or changed and messed about with.  Its raw, honest, ripped from deep within and exposed - exactly what I believe poetry should be!

So please, fire up Amazon, go to the books section and type in 'Love or Suicide and the Life in between' and buy a copy.

Many thanks.

Just some things...

...to entertain fellow bloggers this month.

First and foremost, I saw this in the local ASDA this morning -

Has anyone seen this?  Is it "the best british horror comedy since

shaun of the dead"?!?!?!?!?!

I am not taking the piss - it could be a cult classic - I am deadly

serious - has anyone seen it?!?!?!?!?

With a cast that includes Keith Chegwin, Tony Blackburn,

Russell Grant AND Joe Pasquale - it has classic written all over

it!!!

On the subject of films, I finally got round to seeing 'Melancholia' which stars Kirsten Dunst, John Hurt and Kiefer Sutherland and is about the planet Melancholia which is on a collision course with the Earth.  Now, I enjoy challenging arty films - 'Antichrist' and 'The Tree Of Life' are stunning examples - but, I just didn't get 'Melancholia'.  It bored me, it pissed me off, it actually disappointed me more than any other film in recent memory. 

Onto music, I saw the mighty Rammstein in concert and they were as mental and brilliant as always.  With a

stage show full of flame and fire and a walkway which was lowered to bridge the gap between main stage and a very small stage next to the mixing desks - this had everything.  Amazing song selection, strong performances and an amazing visual spectacle.

This month I will be witnessing Ian Anderson (Jethro Tull) playing the entire 'Thick As A Brick' in its entirety live - can't wait!!

I also discovered a new band called Ghost who blend a doomy, melodic type of metal with satanic lyrics and extremely tight playing.  To say that they have very quickly become my new favourite "new" band is an understatement.  I mean, just look at the album cover - cool or what?!?!?!?!?!

Onto writing - I have completed my first book and will be finally self publishing within the next few weeks.  I have also completed my second book (a collection of poems based on the subjects of Life and Death) and am in the process of searching for artists to contribute directly to my words.  A sample poem is included below.  And so, see you all soon!!

The Death of Death

Stars blazed and screamed,

black holes crushed; consumed,

the universe was ripping apart,

and an end was coming.

Death drifted amongst the violent silence,

a helpless witness sombre and alone.

As blind fires raged and blistered the dark,

inferno’s of pain ripped apart worlds and suns.

Tornado's of rock exploded,

the coldness of space boiled,

at once all empty spaces converged

imploding to a minus nothingness.

And for a moment, death was everything and everyone,

just as everything and everyone was death…

…this wasn’t just the end,

this was the death of death.

The internet is back...

...after a month of it fading in and out, being as slow as a slow thing and not even working at all - it has returned.  It did take the engineer over 90 minutes to sort it but IT'S BACK!!!!  It is absolutely amazing how missed it is and how much a part of your life it really is - scary actually!!!

Anyways, what's been going on?!?!?!?!?!?!  Well, bits and bobs. 

I got to see the mighty Rammstein in concert last week.  A heavy metal/industrial German band who sing in their native tongue and have a wicked/disturbing (to some) sense of humour.  They also put on one hell of a live show full of explosions, flames and brilliant stage props.  This tour was all about their greatest hits and it was a non stop collection of class tracks pulled from their last 17 years in music.  Sonne, Mutter, Mein Herz Brennt, Amerika and Pussy were all highlights, but, in all honesty, there wasn't a single low light!!

After it was recommended to me by a friend, I watched 'Drive'.  Holy crap - what an a amazing film with a soundtrack as integrated and amazing as the film itself.  Starring Ryan Gosling as a loner who is part  stunt driver, part getaway driver for hire - this is essentially 'Shane' full of bouts of extreme violence, cool ass driving and a doomed love story.  Incredible film!!

It was also Oscars time in February and as is tradition, me and the missus stayed up with plates full of food and glasses full of drink and watched it from start to finish.  Happily, 'The Artist' won most of the main awards, and rightfully so.  Hosted by Billy Crystal, it also marked a return to form for the Oscars itself.

Music wise, I got the Immersion box sets of Pink Floyd's 'Wish You Were Here' and 'The Wall'.  Both amazingly packaged and both full of amazing extras.  'The Wall' especially with its 2 cd's worth of Roger Water's original demos and some band demos.

Writing, writing, writing!!!  I am very close to getting my book self published and work on my second book is coming along very nicely.  I have also started work on my third book and a short story about Zombies.  Still entering competitions and writing for websites, the writing is flowing.  In fact, included below is a new poem from my second book - enjoy!!

  

Sublime

Heavy eyes glaze over and finally succumb,

a lasting beat echoes from a tired heart,

and a sublime silence hangs in the air.

Coldness collapses across tired skin,

now nothing more than an empty shell,

its occupant free of life’s pretty asylum.

Time’s void sets in stone a sombre hum,

this shift in tone thick and sweet,

a kaleidoscope of charcoal emotions.

   And death welcomes a new friend,

a wild odyssey of belief begins,

odd times…and all.

And with that, until next time.

A tough few weeks...

...since my last blog.  Some ups, some downs - that's life in a nutshell though really isn't it.  And as always, it could be much worse than it is.  So first some ups:

It's Oscar time soon so I managed to get to the cinema a couple of times and watch 2 amazing films - The Artist and Hugo (both, oddly enough, films about cinema and film). 
The Artist was something I wasn't too sure about going into the cinema but came out having watched one of the most amazing, well acted, clever films in a long time.  Yes, it is a silent film.  Yes, it is in black and white.  And yes, it completely works.  In fact, it works because it is a silent film and because it is in black and white.  Utterly absorbing, utterly brilliant.
Hugo was a film I have wanted to watch since seeing the first trailer, why it has taken so long I will never know.  Suffice to say, I am glad I got to watch it in the cinema and in 3D (best use of 3D since Avatar).  Again - superb acting, a story full of surprises and a visual joy to watch.

Music, music, music.  I got to spend some pennies on lots of cd's over these past few weeks (I am always on Play.com or Amazon searching for cheap cd's) getting some amazing albums. 
New stuff - Lamb Of God 'Resolution' - brutal, proper METAL.  Lana Del Ray 'Born To Die - gorgeous in every way. 
Old back catalogue stuff (selection) - Testament, Van Halen, Alice Cooper, Devildriver, Korn.
I also managed to get some Devin Townsend cd's only available on his website - Ass Sordid Demos 1 and 2 - even his demos are better than most music out there.  Official Bootleg 2000 - cool live album.  Devlab and The Hummer - his 2 ambient albums.

Writing - hmmm, writing.  Still writing when I can as much as my brain can.  I am still planning to self publish my book.  It will happen.  I am just covering all angles regarding the contract and how happy I am with the finished product.  Still entering competitions, sending stuff to websites and writing poetry towards my second book.

Now some downs:

Work has been very hard with an alarming amount of overtime having to be done - but like I said at the beginning - it could be worse...at least I have a secure full time job.

Finally, my girlfriends parents dog had to be put down.  She was a boxer and her name was Dixie.  My girlfriend and I were very close to her taking her out a lot and looking after her when her parents went away on holiday.  She was a amazing and will be so sorely missed.  Below is a photo and a short poem I wrote about her.

 

Today, I lost a friend

Today, I lost a friend,

lost to old age,

today, I lost a friend.

She never left my side,

or got in my way.

She never had to hide,

or darken my day.

She never did complain,

or spoil my mood.

She never minded the rain,

or be too crude.

She never asked for much,

or took for granted.

She never wanted such,

or could be halted.

She had plenty of kisses,

and love to give.

She had that look of ages,

and years to live.

She had the gift of light,

and eyes of youth.

She had a manner of right,

and heart of truth.

She had strength in bounds,

and fields of green.

She had plenty of grounds,

and energy so keen.

And yet,

today, I lost a friend,

lost to old age,

today, I lost a friend,

lost backstage...

...today, I lost a friend.

 

First blog of 2012...

...and another year begins and already its turning out well!!

Chickenfoot - so my first concert of the year was at Manchester Academy watching the super group that is Chickenfoot.  Chickenfoot consist of Sammy Hagar, Joe Satriani, Michael Anthony and Chad Smith...and holy crap - they were good!!  Joe Satriani is an absolute GOD on the guitar and is note perfect live.  In fact, he has that thing about him which has you absolutely hooked from the moment he steps out on stage!  Sammy Hagar and Michael Anthony (both formally from Van Halen) were so full of energy and class and they both looked like they were having the best time in the world.  Kenny Aronoff (filling in for Chad Smith who is currently touring with the Chilli Peppers) was also amazing, again seeming like he was having a whale of a time.  So, a good start to 2012's concerts - Ian Anderson, Bruce Springsteen and Rammstein still to follow!!

Work - so the new Quality Manager started and instantly the pressure has lifted from me and although I have already done nearly 20 hours overtime this year, I am getting more writing done, more PS3 and 360 playing time, getting to the gym more often, spending more quality and stress free time with my girlfriend and generally feeling alot better about things.

Writing - so like I said, I am getting more writing done - in fact I have had another one of my poems accepted and posted on The Erotic Woman website (Fucking New Year) and also Dark River Press have accepted one of my short stories (Decompose) and plan to post it on their website and hopefully in their publication in the future.  I am currently going over the contract for self publishing my first book (Love Or Suicide and the life inbetween) with extreme scrutiny - with help from my girlfriend - and am consistently entering competitions and writing poetry for my second book on the subjects of Life and Death (samples of which are below).

The Death Of Music (excerpt)

And so, in the distance, a record player crackles,

its RPM slowing down to a cruel wheezing plod,

and just as the art of live music drowns its own corpse,

the crescendo builds to play the death of music.

The skill of the instrument now a frowned upon memory,

tacky backing tracks partner with cold electronica,

and the writer is reduced to a forgotten matter of fact,

lyrics no more than a collection of empty obedience.

Those Simple Things (excerpt)

In this overcomplicated world,

of man, method and madness,

its those simple things that shine,

and smile upon a frowning rainbow.

The cool breeze on a hot day,

the click click of a writing pen,

the noisy stiffness of a new book,

the eureka moment of a lost memory,

the warm feeling of freshly clean sheets,

the scratch strike of a burning match,

the sods law of a surprise thunderstorm,

the joint glance from two would be lovers,

So, a good start to the year and one that I hope to continue.  Anyways, back to it!!