So, why do I do it...

...why do I write?

Well, as far as I can remember, I have always been a writer.  What I mean by that is that I have always put pen to paper and written about something - be it a diary, lyrics, poetry, short stories, scripts or even just letters.  The first real thing I started was a 13 episode television series (which I have completed) which revolveded around the Nine Inch Nail's album 'The Downward Spiral' where I took each song and put my character through a test depending on the lyrics of each said song.  It was based on my experiences in general but really focused on the hate I had (still have?) for my Father.

Around the same time I was writing a lot of lyrics as well as putting music to them and coming up with tunes on my guitar and keyboard - again, I completed this and it turned out to be a double album's worth of material. 

Then came 'Love or Suicide and the Life In-between' and a flood of other poetry and short stories written about everything and nothing.  These days, I have several projects on the go, have been shortlisted several times in competitions and have actually won first prize in a poetry competition for The Writing Magazine.  I am in the process of writing a couple of scripts and contribute to The Erotic Woman's poetry section as well.

So, back to my original query - why do I write?

I find it is a very important form of expression which can describe the most horrible and beautiful aspects of life - and in doing so, is very therapeutic.  It also gives my brain a workout and has a limitless scope and vast subject matter.  I also enjoy it.  I like to live out fantasies and create characters I can relate to or are extensions of my own personality.  I am never short of inspiration either - in fact I just need to open my eyes and look around.  Not only that, but I love to read.  You have to be a lover of books (actual, hold in your hand, smell the paper, use a book mark type books) to write well...write what you know and what you would want to read!!

So, that's why I write.  I could go on and on digging deeper and deeper into every aspect of what I write, why, when and how...but for now, the above paragraph is a perfect summary.  Words, oh such sweet words:

How you gonna see me now?

How you gonna see me now?

With words and plastic plates.

Block letters and a forced bow.

Furrowed brow, heart that hates.

How you gonna see me now?

With keys and blinking lights.

Inmates ride an enormous cow.

Concepts reach imaginary heights.

How you gonna see me now?

With debit cards maxed out.

Nothing to show for it…wow.

Head high this mystery snout.

How you gonna see me now?

With full stops ending your words.

Punctuation revolving their rows.

Flying crosses mating with birds.

How you gonna see me now?

I’m nothing more than a blank page.

You will never see me now.

Locked in this computer cage.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

We’re all crazy.

And so it ends...

...my 'glorious' 2 week shut down is now on it's last day.  As they say, all good things must come to an end - well, not a complete end - there is always next year, Christmas and the last few days holiday I have booked off for various concerts.  Anyways, our last week of shut down was spent in Scotland.  More accurately, we had a 5 day break in the Macdonald Cardrona Hotel - Golf and Spa.  We had 2 days of golf booked as well as back massages, use of the pool, steam room and sauna and a trip into the village of Peebles.  The rest of our time would be spent chilling out, nipping out for walks and just generally forgetting about work and everyday life for a few days.

So, was it any good?  It was amazing.  The golf course was brilliant.  Challenging, long, tricky, rewarding and well looked after.  We did get wet on both days and the course was waterlogged in places, but, the views from EVERY SINGLE hole made up for any bad weather we had.  Did we play well?  We did OK - lets just leave it at that!!!  The back massage was, put simply, heavenly.  I do have a twingy back, especially at the bottom, so it did slightly hurt the odd time - but otherwise it was divine.  The pool, steam room and sauna were just 'ok'.  They did their job and it was nice to go for a swim after golf and the back massage.  Peebles wasn't too bad either - not much there but enough to spend a few hours (even if we got wet there as well).  The hotel was very good.  Clean, nice staff, good facilities - very good.  The bed especially felt like a massive cloud and was a pleasure to sleep in.  We had 2 breakfasts and 3 evening meals and they too were faultless.  It was the first time I had tried Venison, Haggis Scotch Egg and Dauphinoise Potatoes and they were delicious - like I said 'faultless'!!  Even the 3 hour 30 minute drive was littered with amazing views, especially the final 30 miles - stunning!!  So, overall, an amazing holiday and one that me and my girlfriend thoroughly enjoyed (as you can see from these photos). 

Oh, glorious shutdown...

...glorious, glorious shutdown.  The company I work for has a 2 week shutdown every year and it is always something I really look forward to.  Even more so this year because I had to work the first week (last week) but get the following 2 weeks off - plus the extra day which is bank holiday Monday!!

I plan lots of writing, gaming, gyming, sorting out, reading etc for these 2 weeks and I gotta admit, it has been a great start.  Today is Wednesday - the 3rd day of my first week of this glorious shutdown...and so far I have managed to look at future writing projects and already begin to gather and start them.  I have upped my promotion of my self published book, 'Love or Suicide and the Life in-between' by sending a couple of copies out - one to The Samaritans and one to The Writing Magazine.  Really looked at my Twitter and Blogger friends and streamlined/added to focus on Authors and like-minded people.  I am happily gaming and gyming away - playing Rage on the PS3 and Splinter Cell Conviction on the X-Box whilst spending my early mornings kicking ass in the gym.  I am just about to finish a book I have been given by the Managing Director of the company I work for to read, before I start on Fifty Shades Darker - yes, even I have been caught up in all this Fifty Shades bollocks.  Gotta say, I have never hated, loved, been intrigued, wanted to burn, sympathised, been shocked, couldn't put down - a book as much as I have with Fifty Shades Of Grey!!!  So, like I said - it has been a great start!!

So, a quick teaser for my future projects.  At the moment I have 4 on the go (which includes 'Love or Suicide...'), they all follow the same sort of feel and look.  The 4 projects are:

1. 'Love or Suicide and the Life in-between'
2. 'Life and Death'
3. 'Sex'
4. 'Oh Such Sweet Words' (work in progress title)

The first 3 are my "Existence" trilogy - dealing with Love, Suicide, Life, Death and Sex.  Number 4 will be a tribute - an ode if you like - to words, writing and the worlds you can create and destroy with them.  I am actually very excited about every single one of these projects and my goal is to find a publisher for 2-4 - that will of course come later and depend on how well promoted and received 'Love or Suicide...' is.

So for now, have a read below of a cheeky little number from 'Sex' - enjoy!! ;-)

The Anticipation

The silent crackling of candles sway in the room,

their light rolling over soft curves lost in lingerie,

there she is; stretched out and alone...waiting,

the sweet smell of anticipation heating the air.

She blushes as the silk babydoll brushes her skin

sending tiny pulses throughout her wanting body

and forcing her eyes shut, her mouth slightly open

and shivers of anticipation down her arched spine.

Almost instinctively, she begins to sway,

her being now independent from her mind

as her hips begin to rock and tighten forwards

and a sudden heat of anticipation builds within.

Her hands want to explore and touch,

her sensitivity wants to spread and expose,

her innocence wants to be gone and be free,

her anticipation wants forever and satisfaction.

Opening her eyes, excitement floods her senses

as she watches herself gorge on tender skin,

naughty sinful thoughts flashing deep inside,

and an anticipation of what's to come.

She knows her man will be home very soon,

she knows it is her night of control,

just the sheer thought sending waves crashing

and her soul drowning in pure anticipation.

The silent crackling of candles sway in the room,

as a rush of air sends them rolling over hot curves,

there she is; no longer alone, no longer waiting,

the sweet smell of anticipation filling the air.

   

3 weeks...

...it's coming up to 3 weeks now since my first self published book, 'Love or Suicide and the Life in-between' has been on sale and I am happy to say any feedback I have had has been very positive.  I am gradually promoting it on Twitter, through my Blog and by word of mouth but am planning to step up the promotion throughout August.  My thoughts are to have it sell consistently instead of it spiking and then being lost and forgotten - a steady stream of promotion should ensure this.

It is still a bit odd that my true deep and darkest thoughts and feelings are out there for the world to see- basically my heart and soul is on show.  In truth, the feedback I have had has been about how open and honest it is and how that makes me feel with that out there.  Does it make me feel uncomfortablee?  Does it make me feel vulnerable?  Of course it does.  But it also makes me feel strong and happy that it is out there - like a weight has been lifted.

So, have a look below at some samples of 'Love or Suicide and the Life in-between', fire up Amazon, buy a copy then spread the word.  Remember, all my profit will be going to The Samaritans.

Dear Dad

The dripping alcoholic

The warm liar

The ageing sinner

The abusive man

The dead weight

The piercing fear

The blueprint

Like father, like son

Is this what I am to become?

The haunting

The shouting

The stealing

The anger

The pain

The smell

The blueprint

Like father, like son

Is this what I am to become?

Hate

Spit

Fight

Lost

Self

Destiny

The blueprint

Like father, like son

Is this what I am to become?

Lonely World

            I        talk      to      myyyyyyy                                                owN     shadow

Laugh                  ( ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha )      AT       my    OWn             jokes

                                           feel for my own feelinGs

                                                                              

                                                                         TouCH                           my own   SKIN

NO             one                  comFOrTs                             me wHen      I NEed

                                                                                                             comforting

no                one                               kiSSes                 ME           wHen    I need to BEE

                                                                                                                      Kissed

NO               one                      ListeNs               when       IIIIIII       neeeeed  to beeeee

                                                                                                                          hEARd

I    have    no------------------------one                       Who     drEAm’’’’’’s   about   ME

                                    Or                 wwwwwwiLLLLLL    nOTice

                                                                                                          WHHen I am GOne

my heart beats

YeTT                            TherE                   is nO                     one     TO TUNE          iT     

                  My EYes      seeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

                                                           alllllllllllll………………They SEEEee   is     mE

                                               I    liVEE               in THIS                 world

I   have   no        one            who lives       with   me………LoNEly   wORLD…