It's available...

...my second self-published book is finally on Amazon. Well, as I type this, the Kindle edition is on Amazon anyways...the paperback should be on in a week (or so I have been promised). Am I happy with it? Very! As with my first book, Grosvenor have done a very professional, high quality job and it is 99% set out exactly the way I wanted it. The front and back covers are high quality gloss, the paper used inside is good and it is has a solid thickness and better size overall!

The content, however, is so open and honest that it does borderline (and even sometimes go too far) on too much. I am not saying that I am unhappy with what I have written or believe it to be rubbish. On the contrary, some of my best work is in this book but it is so raw and deep that it becomes a read very much not enjoyed. It basically tells the story of how I view the influence my mother and father had on me and how I went through severe depression leading to self harm and counselling sessions. I then look at the subjects of life and death and write a diary using a poetry format. The diary section is especially brutal and uncompromising, in parts, down to the pure emotion I was feeling on that day that just came pouring out on the page.

But, it is also another piece of work I am very proud of. Another piece of work that I believe to be fairly original and very honest...a piece of work that is just another extension of who I am, what I have been through and what many other people go through.

My third book is coming along well. I have completed the first draft and am going back through it now...although I have decided to make it more adult (as opposed to the original children's book idea) and write it in first person. I am pretty much giving myself till the end of April to get the second draft done...then I really will have to look at getting a full time job! It is becoming more a prequel to my two self-published books though...us writers can't help but write about ourselves and experiences no matter how hard we try not to!! But for now, see below some pieces from my second self published book 'this heat, it's hell closing in on me'.

20^th October

all you need is six line part 20

The sickness inside gives me a little kick to let me know he’s still there,

the disturbances in my sleep pattern and waking up soaked all but confirm,

feeling down and worthless in work is a return to form for that little voice,

“I am a fat waste of piece of shit space” and I am never to forget that fact,

repeat those words with no escape and no freedom from the father inside me,

“I hope you make the same mistake” destined to haunt my existence forever.

23^rd August

I walk with the dead

Blinded by my surroundings,

I walk with the dead,

bodies lay motionless

on my journey,

round and round in circles,

I fear I am next,

I fear my time is up,

I fear…fear.

Then I am lifted higher,

taken to an escape

and set free on the wind,

let me go home,

oh please let me be,

guide me back,

guide me away,

guide…guide me.

“I do not know whatever happened

to the one I set free on the wind,

I only wish he made his way home,

I only wish I can make my back home”

10^th December

Untitled

A frail frame casts a thin shadow,

bent and weak it shuffles on

towards a dark demented crucifixion,

the path covered in broken glass.

A caged and contorted mind

screaming for freedom and redemption,

cathedral of suffering peaked through cut

after cut after cut; deaths desire.

An untitled man

in an untitled life

with an untitled future

tormented by an untitled past.

Unified in pain.

Never rid of it.

Tragic corruption.

It will never stop.

To the end of days.

Lo and behold.

Even into hell.

Deserved of me this is…

Well, it is!