Seems like it is selling...

...rather well, my second book! Having gone out of stock three times in the last month suggests that anyway. It has also received its first review and I have entered it into a self-publishing competition so fingers crossed. The other thing I have done is signed up for a two week promotion pack through June by the books publisher so lets see if that helps with sales and getting it out there.

Other than that, I have been concentrating on my third book and am currently in the stage of the third draft. It is developing well, feels more solid and flows better with each draft. I am also extending my time off work to focus on this book and myself (something I have never done) which is exciting and a little scary!

So, what else has been going in...well: I went to see The Jungle Book in the cinema and it is brilliant! Awesome cast, looks gorgeous and has a dark daring edge about it. Also went to a couple of concerts. Gregory Porter and Michael Bolton. Both were not my choice and both are not really my cup of tea (especially Bolton)...but, both were excellent! Gregory Porter has one of the best voices I have heard live and his albums really don't do him justice! And Michael Bolton...well, he is a bit of a legend and you know what, he proved it!

New albums I have bought: Deftones 'Gore' = brilliant as always. Ihsahn 'Arktis' = insanely good. I also beefed up my Prince collection (another legend gone) and finally picked up some classics - Paradise Lost 'draconian times' and Napalm Death 'Scum'. Currently reading the third Miss Peregrine book, Library Of Souls which has been brilliant.

Apart from that, it has really just been lots of coffee and lots of writing. Still writing some reviews for Roobla and have started a new story for Hot Chilli Erotica. Anyways, I have included some draft three work from my latest book below...naturally, this will no doubt change during the countless other drafts but for now, enjoy!

 

Prologue

Reflection ? – 22^nd February 2177

Ask a child to draw the moon and they will always draw it with a face. Nine times out of ten, it will be smiling and coloured in yellow, the notion of the moon being made of cheese integrated into their young minds forever. Depending on the skill and imagination of the child, sometimes the drawing will have extra detail such as teeth, eyebrows or hair; some may even emphasis the shape by adding craters and imperfections. The drawing I had, somewhere, was pretty accurate, I thought, and I always loved the glint it had in its eyes; mischievous and full of life. It was the only thing I could think about as I lay motionless on my back staring up at a sky consumed by the sun.

                “Where am I?” I ask myself half blinded, half cooked and struggling to move and lolling about on the ground like an overturned tortoise.

                “Relax” I say out loud suddenly aware that my voice seems distorted and echoes in my ears.

                I lift my hands up to the side of my head but they are stopped by some sort of helmet. I blink and look away from the sky squeezing my eyelids closed and then opening them as wide as I can and forcing tears out from my eyes. I roll my body from side to side and gain enough momentum to turn onto my front. As my eyesight slowly returns, I see that the ground is dust and rock. Sharp jagged stones feel hard, even, through the suit I am wearing and the ground shimmers with a heatwave thick and alive. I am distracted by an explosion to my left and with all my strength, I manage to push myself up onto my knees and awkwardly turn my head to the sound of it.

                A crumpled mass of metal and glass dances with fire as sparks shoot from within. A few seconds later and there is an inward collapse of the structure and it collapses in on itself with a loud bang. I put all my energy in standing up as memories return and with a wave of sadness realise what this hulking mess is, or rather, was; K.A.R.A. my spaceship. As I watch it helplessly melt, more memories flood through my head and I begin to panic, my breathing becoming strained.

“Breathe, breathe in the air” says a female voice.

“Look around, careful where you stand” the same voice whispers in my ear.

“Speak to me…tears you cry” who is speaking to me?

“Forget the sun, you haven’t got long” I scan the horizon ahead of me careful to not look upwards.

There isn’t much left, the loss of the moon and the expanse of the sun has turned the Earth into a floating rock. Its surface is nothing more than ash and boulder. Where once rivers of water were are now rivers of larva and this beautiful blue and green planet is now a hellish red and grey desert. The intense heat from the sun has also shifted its core and its destruction is very imminent. 

An alarm rings through the entire suit and a countdown begins. Thankfully, K.A.R.A. managed to get me within a mile of the crater but with every step, my surroundings are shifting and changing. Am I hallucinating? Am I dreaming? Is this all real? Am I mad? Hell, am I even alive? The voice in my ear speaks to me again.

“Welcome home” and a wave of recognition sears through my body; I recognise this place, it’s my home town.

But it couldn’t be. The crater is in Mexico yet my home town is in England.

“No time to waste and fritter away…the mission, the mission needs completing” I remind myself out loud as I walk through pockets of what once was, what is now and what will eventually be; an observer of Earth’s existence.

Marching on, I witness the fall of Troy, am stood centre stage when they drop the atomic bomb, battle through the depths as the Titanic comes to rest and pass through huge bubbles of outer space. I see myself in a white room, witness the marriage of my parents and am there at the birth of my sister. Suddenly, I hear a bell…and then a wailing. Drawing me closer to where I need to be, louder and louder until I am forced to stop dead. One of these time pockets has car frames sticking out of the ground, their plastic insides twisted and virtually unrecognisable. Rusted metal chains and huge footprints are here and there and with each painfully slow footstep I take, there rings the unmistakable sound of coins crunching.

“Remember this place!” the voice says in disdain.

“You remember it well…I was always with you. It was always us and them, always me and you versus them; they were nothing but ordinary men”

“I remember” I say as I leave the pocket behind me, a flash of green grass appearing in my visor and staggering my balance.

The alarm in the suit is increasing, the whole thing is failing and the heat is causing it to disintegrate. As much as I can, I quicken my pace but a sudden laugh takes me by surprise and an intense memory remembering games I used to play as a boy brings me to a complete stop.

“Stay with me, ignore the…loonies” the female voice tells me.

“Stay with me, ignore the…loonies” another voice tells me…clinical and cold.

“Stay with me, ignore the…loonies” a third voice tells me…darker this time.

“Who are you all?!” I scream out loud spinning round as I do.

I am in a room. My arms are restrained across my stomach and my chest feels tight. The only other thing in this room is a table littered with photographs. The room is stifling and so hot and as I struggle to free myself, I notice a large mirror on the wall and peer at my reflection. I am wearing a space suit and behind me is a landscape of ash and boulder but when I turn around, I see the table and the photographs. 

“Son…it’s me…it’s always been me” the female voice is in this room.

“Mum? It can’t be…no…I…” this can’t be real, what is going on.

I walk over to the table and look down at the photographs.

“My son” she says again and I realise that the voice is coming from the photographs themselves so I lean in to get a closer look.

It's available...

...my second self-published book is finally on Amazon. Well, as I type this, the Kindle edition is on Amazon anyways...the paperback should be on in a week (or so I have been promised). Am I happy with it? Very! As with my first book, Grosvenor have done a very professional, high quality job and it is 99% set out exactly the way I wanted it. The front and back covers are high quality gloss, the paper used inside is good and it is has a solid thickness and better size overall!

The content, however, is so open and honest that it does borderline (and even sometimes go too far) on too much. I am not saying that I am unhappy with what I have written or believe it to be rubbish. On the contrary, some of my best work is in this book but it is so raw and deep that it becomes a read very much not enjoyed. It basically tells the story of how I view the influence my mother and father had on me and how I went through severe depression leading to self harm and counselling sessions. I then look at the subjects of life and death and write a diary using a poetry format. The diary section is especially brutal and uncompromising, in parts, down to the pure emotion I was feeling on that day that just came pouring out on the page.

But, it is also another piece of work I am very proud of. Another piece of work that I believe to be fairly original and very honest...a piece of work that is just another extension of who I am, what I have been through and what many other people go through.

My third book is coming along well. I have completed the first draft and am going back through it now...although I have decided to make it more adult (as opposed to the original children's book idea) and write it in first person. I am pretty much giving myself till the end of April to get the second draft done...then I really will have to look at getting a full time job! It is becoming more a prequel to my two self-published books though...us writers can't help but write about ourselves and experiences no matter how hard we try not to!! But for now, see below some pieces from my second self published book 'this heat, it's hell closing in on me'.

20^th October

all you need is six line part 20

The sickness inside gives me a little kick to let me know he’s still there,

the disturbances in my sleep pattern and waking up soaked all but confirm,

feeling down and worthless in work is a return to form for that little voice,

“I am a fat waste of piece of shit space” and I am never to forget that fact,

repeat those words with no escape and no freedom from the father inside me,

“I hope you make the same mistake” destined to haunt my existence forever.

23^rd August

I walk with the dead

Blinded by my surroundings,

I walk with the dead,

bodies lay motionless

on my journey,

round and round in circles,

I fear I am next,

I fear my time is up,

I fear…fear.

Then I am lifted higher,

taken to an escape

and set free on the wind,

let me go home,

oh please let me be,

guide me back,

guide me away,

guide…guide me.

“I do not know whatever happened

to the one I set free on the wind,

I only wish he made his way home,

I only wish I can make my back home”

10^th December

Untitled

A frail frame casts a thin shadow,

bent and weak it shuffles on

towards a dark demented crucifixion,

the path covered in broken glass.

A caged and contorted mind

screaming for freedom and redemption,

cathedral of suffering peaked through cut

after cut after cut; deaths desire.

An untitled man

in an untitled life

with an untitled future

tormented by an untitled past.

Unified in pain.

Never rid of it.

Tragic corruption.

It will never stop.

To the end of days.

Lo and behold.

Even into hell.

Deserved of me this is…

Well, it is!

What a funny February...

...that was. Just like January, February threw up some life changes and major decisions. First off, a massive decision regarding my future. Basically, I am taking 3 months out to write my 3rd book. It was a tough decision because it is very risky indeed but I have this opportunity right here, right now and I would be completely foolish if I didn't take it. The frame of mind I am in and the fact that I have never felt (mentally or physically) as good as I do at this moment was also a mayor factor in my decision. I am writing with passion, commitment and imagination - something I haven't been doing for some time. Ideas are well and truly flowing. And you know what, if it doesn't work out and I have to get a job then so be it...at least I can say I tried.

The other major decision was to self-publish my second book 'this heat, it's hell closing in on me' using some of my redundancy money. This time I am releasing it as an eBook as well as a physical book. Again, it is a deeply open and brutally honest book which deals with a very recent time of my life told through fact, poetry and short story format and again, I designed and created the front and back covers and as a whole, I am very proud of it. It should be out in a few weeks so as a little tease, I have included some poems from it:

Now

A bruised thunderous sky,

as clouds erupt with tears,

and the sweet smell of emotion,

cleanses a devastated world,

what once was a forest of colour,

is now a graveyard of stump,

what once was a monsoon of life,

is now an infinity of death.

Moonlight casts over skeletons shadows,

an eerie torment forever etched,

as even now they huddle together,

always running from this inescapable fate.

The Earth grumbles and licks its wounds,

scared forever diseased by ignorance,

a scorched land bleeds and scabs over,

it's daily cycle limps on, this trapped ghost.

Hellish lightning slices through thick air,

barren sands eat away forgotten achievements,

and the ruins of a lost way of life weep,

as an uncontrollable sadness laps broken borders.

A piercing sun breaks through black skies,

forcing even death to scramble for the shade,

as oceans begin to boil and grounds begin to crack,

the blinding rays splitting open all it touches.

This distant planet once proud and blue,

now a charcoal shell of deconstruction and loss,

begins its long creep into blind nothingness,

howling as it goes, a pinprick through dead space.

When beauty dies

A sultry sway,

a sexy tilt.

Daring whispers

slay the night,

bring dark eyes

lord of light.

A slender neck,

curves of sex.

That innocent way.

But a broken heart.

But an abused body.

But a shattered mind.

But a battered soul.

When beauty dies,

death’s cold touch

now a warm shoulder,

helps on as such.

Is the gentleman,

is the lost love.

Death the sonnet,

death the brave,

death the guide,

death the save.

1^st March

On edge

On edge,

on the lookout,

always jumpy,

waiting,

anticipating…something.

No way to live,

a paranoid prisoner,

lack of basic respect,

lurking,

dealing…something.

Late at night,

in the darkness,

forever losers,

preying,

destroying…something.

 

What a funny January...

...it has been. If you had said to me at the start of January that by the end I would be unemployed, I would have laughed in your face - yet here I am...unemployed.

Thursday 7th January, 4 days back into work after Christmas and I get summoned to the office. On my way there, I was trying to rack my brains, had I done something? was it about future plans for the business? was it a pay rise? Nope...it was something that I hadn't expected in a million years...my job was being made redundant. My face was in a state of shock, comedy and confusion. How the hell was this happening? They explained that it was due to a re-structure...wait, what? Anyway, after 5 whole minutes of no explanation (really), I was told to gather my things from my desk and go home...I was now in affect on gardening leave. I had to pull my girlfriend out of work (this was 3:30 in the afternoon) and then drive home trying to contemplate what had just happened. That afternoon, evening and night was a blur of shock, hatred, anger, confusion and worry. But by the end of the weekend, my mind was completely made up...I would take the redundancy and be done.

The following week involved a couple of meetings at work which mainly consisted of me questioning what they had done, why they had done it and how much redundancy money would I actually get. And despite the answers they gave, I am still confused on the reasons and method of them making me redundant but I made it clear that I wasn't going back ...mainly because of the way it had all been done. After all, I had been there going on 16 years and moved my way through the factory getting higher and higher within so a little more respect would have gone a long way. The one thing I did get to do though was wander through the factory and say good bye to the people I had worked with for years which was actually quite emotional...although everyone was quite shocked that I wasn't applying for the other jobs within the company and seemed surprised that I was taking the redundancy and leaving.

And so, in the blink of an eye, 16 years of hard work and committed service at Sanko Gosei was over. I was virtually never off sick, never late, never took days off work for the hell of it, was always very professional, did my job to the best of my abilities and was not an arsehole. Just goes to prove that it doesn't matter how much you do and how long you have worked at a company...you are basically just a number and payroll figure. To be honest, I wasn't happy...it was a job that paid the bills and that was that and I always said I wanted to be out by the age of 40 (which is in Feb 2017) so they actually really did me a favour. Of course, the other side of that is that I actually now don't have a job!!!

I have decided to take some time out and given myself a time line target for when I need to have a steady wage coming in and in the meantime, have stepped up my writing (considerably), kept busy around the house, upped my reading, gaming and gyming. There are possibilities already at my feet with regards to jobs if I can hang on for a few months and I have made it my goal to not end up in a job like the one I was in...something different and with a bit more meaning. All in all though, this is probably the best thing to ever happen to me...I am free of Sanko Gosei and am fully determined to make it and do something I want to do.